


FaKe

by orphan_account



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, Sexy Zone
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-05
Updated: 2014-03-05
Packaged: 2018-01-14 15:47:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1272235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fuma just wants Kento to be himself, because that's how he likes him best.</p>
            </blockquote>





	FaKe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cortney (bc you said you liked Angst)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Cortney+%28bc+you+said+you+liked+Angst%29).



> I had this stored away for ages, and now I had feelings and just threw half of my story line away to finish it differently. I hope it makes sense, I feel like this whole fic is a huge chaos.  
> Anyways, I hope you like it!

Fuma’s POV

  


I had met Kento at my first day in the agency. From the moment he had approached me, his laughter and his whole personality had drawn me in. There was something about him, some kind of charm that made it impossible to dislike him. At least that was what _I_ had felt back then, and still felt every day I spent with him. 

But in the last few weeks, being with Kento frustrated me increasingly, and I was not sure what to do about it or how to deal with it.

I was not used to being mad at Kento. And it was not like I was angry, really - it was not like he was doing anything specific to cause these kind of feelings. Only that somehow, he was, and it was hard to describe even to myself, and I had needed a while to pinpoint the source of this constant anger I felt all the time. 

It was when I had watched the first episode of JMK, that I had really understood it. 

Because I was used to the romantic fool Kento was, the embarrassing scenarious in his head he sometimes spewed at me and that made me role my eyes at him, but in the end, I knew that all Kento longed for was affection and appreciation, his underlying insecurities eating on him whenever you as much as turned your back to him. 

But this, no matter from which angle I looked at it, was _not_ Kento. It was some character he had created, sweet, perfect _Kenty_ and it made me want to punch him and demand my best friend back. 

\---

月明かり you tend but fail

_Moonlight, you tend but fail_

おびえる君を keeping you sheltered

_Keeping you sheltered, the frightened you_

\---

We all wore masks on stage, never showed all of us in front of the public eye. It was the only reasonable thing to do if you didn’t want to break apart under the pressure of the entertainment industry, really. But what Kento was doing went beyond that - he was starting to _become_ his mask, and the moments I saw him without became rarer than the other way around. 

And it hurt to watch, because I liked the _real_ Kento, was so used to having him around that I had developed this almost blatant _need_ for him, and the lack of him made me feel uneasy, almost deprived. 

Kento was a light in my life, always brightening it when clouds began to hide the sun, making me feel at ease no matter how threatening the storm ahead really was. When Kento was around, everything would be fine. It had always been this kind of feeling. 

But now, that bright light had subdued to some kind of distant glimmer, and suddenly, everything seemed terribly dark and cold.

I was not sure why Kento was doing this. I knew that he loved his job, lived for it with a burning passion, and that was something I had worried about every now and then too, about it all becoming too much for him and his body collapsing under the huge workload, but he seemed to enjoy the work too much, and because I could understand that part too well I had never pondered about it. But this, this was different; it was Kento disappearing in his job, not physically, but _emotionally_. It was like his perfectionism allowed no steps out of the line he had drawn for himself, and apparently, that included everything that made him the person I knew. 

It seemed not that perceptable to others, though, as I soon found out. When I asked Hokuto if he thought Kento had changed, he had looked at me in such honest confusion that no answer had been required, really. The way Sou and Marius clung to Kento also showed me that, really, they found no difference either. And maybe it was true, because he did not seem much different, not to the outside. 

\---

Day by day I get stunned

Thinking you're fake that runs my mind

\---

But still, it was there, and it was screaming at me so loudly that I wondered if maybe, it was me, after all, if I was reading too much into it. But then again, I could not shake it off, this feeling that Kento was hiding behind these walls in fear of not being enough, in whatever way. 

And I did not get it, I seriously didn’t, because he was enough. More than enough, even without all those masks and the sweet words and the perfection. 

I loved that honest, embarrassed smile when he messed up much more than this smooth grin into the camera when everything had worked out. Liked this startled laughter when I caught him off guard much better than the practiced one for the skits and interviews.

Kento and I had always been partners, and we had moved instinctively around each other. But lately, I had lost our rhythm, had lost that grasp on him, and it made me feel weirdly disoriented, like I was losing _myself_ and my own direction with it. 

It escalated on that one night, when I had to stay up late to finish that essay for university. I had been moody and testy from the lack of sleep, texting back and forth with Kento to let off some steam like I usually did to keep from punching something or someone. Kento was never asleep before midnight, usually, and he had told me that he had work for Uni as well, so probably we were in the same shoes.

It had all been more or less okay, and Kento had still joked with me when I had whined about wanting to drop the course because the prof was kind of a bitch (one three pages essay a week, and if it wasn’t handed in by Friday she threatened to not accept us for the exam, for gods sake). 

_Don’t let the fans hear that u are skipping on courses bc u are too lazy to do ur homework :P_ , he had written, and I had just rolled my eyes and answered: _so what, i already got the reputation of being the “bad boy” in our group. i act like akanishi and i “don’t even want to be in the band” cuz i look pissed when i dance or some shit -_-_

I sighed as I tried to read the same sentence the third time, only to be interrupted again by Kento’s answer.

_LOL no *I* am the “Bad Boy” :P Also, you kind of do look annoyed when you dance. Try smiling for a change._

It was that simple sentence, that suddenly put me off, making my frustration run away with me as I read it again and again, my hands clawing around the phone. I knew that Kento was joking, of course, but still, there was some trace of truth in his words, some tiny bit of honest opinion, and it was what made all my dissatisfaction with him explode in my overexhausted mess of emotions. 

My fingers were shaking as I typed my answer, and I pressed sent without thinking, staring at our conversation impatiently until he answered. 

_not everyone hides behind perfect little masks like u do! i actually let ppl see me for who i really am, and if i don’t feel like smiling i won’t, bc the band doesn’t need more than one fake liar!_

\---

赤く濡れる kiss will do

_A kiss drenched in red will do_

奥まで溶ける midnight past 2

_Melting to the core, Midnight past 2_

\---

It took too long for Kento to answer, and even when he did, Kento’s answer was short and unsatisfying. 

_… And what is that supposed to mean?_

I growled at the message, because really, how much more blunt did I need to become before he got it?!

I was pressing the call button before I had thought it through, jumping up from my chair to stalk around the room angrily. 

At first I thought Kento wouldn’t take it, but he picked up just before it would have gone to voice mail, his voice quiet and too fucking calm as he asked: “Fuma?”

“I mean it the way I said it!” I growled, struggling to keep my voice down because my siblings were sleeping in the next room.

“That I am a ‘fake liar’?!” Kento inquired, and I could hear how thin his voice was at the words, telling me that he was hurt, and a tiny part of myself, the mean one, was glad about that because it meant that they had reached him. “Nice to know that my best friend thinks of me that way!”

“My best friend is Nakajima Kento, that awkward silly guy that I met when I joined the agency!” I hissed, balling my shaking hand into a fist. “Not _Kenty_ , or whatever you call yourself now!”

“This _is_ me!” Kento called, apparently deciding he didn’t care about his sleeping family in favor of raising his voice. “What is wrong with you suddenly?! I don’t know you like this!”

“It’s _not_ you!” I protested angrily. “It’s who you want to be, or who you think the fans want, and I hate that! I hate that you put so much importance on what others think of you!”

“It’s our job to gulp down our feelings to smile for the fans!” Kento called. “That doesn’t change who I am, though, and you of all people should know that!”

“But it does!” I said flatly. “It does, because most of the time I feel like I don’t even know you anymore, and I don’t like who you are right now very much!”

Kento was quiet for a moment, and when he spoke again, his voice was shaking. 

“Fine. No one is asking you to hang around me if you don’t want to. Now excuse me, I have homework to do.”

“Kento!” I hissed, but the line went dead. I cursed, tempted to throw my phone across the room, but instead, I just threw myself onto my bed, rolling around on it in a mix between guilt and satisfaction, because at least it was out now and not eating me up from the inside anymore. 

On the other hand, I felt weirdly shaky, because really, I was not used to fighting with Kento. Sure, we discussed and our opinions clashed, but we never really _fought_ , at least not in a way that made us part on bad terms. 

I did not sleep that night, too wound up to do anything but stare at my wall and think in circles. I kind of dared going to work the next afternoon because I was afraid of what I would say if I talked to Kento. I would not apologize, I had decided, because what I had said was the truth, but on the other hand, I was not keen on hurting Kento any further either. The tone of his voice flashed up in my mind every now and then and it made me flinch almost physically because it kind of made it hard to breathe to know I had caused Kento pain in whichever form, even if it was just by saying the truth, by saying something that I kind of _hoped_ he would take it to heart and think about it. 

If it brought back my best friend, I was fine with hurting Kento. That did not mean I liked doing it, though. 

What I encountered when I arrived at work, though, was worse than any fight, worse than shouting or even a punch in the face - it was Kento straight out _ignoring_ me. Not even with a cold shoulder or any obviousness, because that would have showed me that he was mad, but no, he just simply acted like nothing had ever happened. 

\---

Day by day I get stunned

Thinking you're fake that runs my mind

\---

It was _Kenty_ all over again, and I felt pathetically insignificant, seriously considering picking another fight in the middle of the dressing room just to see his mask crack. But instead, I just gulped it down, too aware of the presence of our young band mates and the staff and everyone Kento tried so hard to fool. Not that I cared about what they thought, but he did, and as furious as I was at him, I could not make myself show him up to them when he so desperately tried to protect himself.

My best friend was still inside there somewhere, after all, as much as I was kept waiting for him, even for the next couple of weeks.

When filming for Kamen Teacher and the Bad Boys J Movie began, I was kind of glad, because it gave us some distance. Maybe after a while of _not_ seeing each other every day at work, we would manage to calm down enough to talk about this rationally, or as rationally as a subject with so many feelings involved would ever get. 

I had not expected that this constant feeling of frustration I was carrying with me ever since this whole thing had started to possibly become even stronger, though, but somehow, it happened, and by the end of the month, I was almost ready to explode with the feelings I did not know to place. 

But at least this time, I could name the source for these frustrations very clearly: _Shigeoka Daiki_.

\---

今あなたの声すらも vanishing away

_Now even your voice is vanishing away_

妖しい微笑みを burning in my mind

_A dubious smile burning in my mind_

\---

Kento and Shigeoka had been friends for a long time, if that’s what you could call it. Shigeoka was one of these guys who was friends with everyone, at least on the surface, but there was something about him that had always been bothering me. Maybe it was the way his jokes lacked a certain layer of affection for the person he was joking about, or the way he always seemed to put himself before others. 

No matter what it was, I had never liked him, and the feeling became more pronounced the more time he spent with Kento. 

It was the way Kento tried so _hard_ to be his friend that ticked me off most. He was laughing too much, joking too much, was all around _unnatural_ and it made me want to punch him because I had even preferred Kenty to this, this pathetic excuse of what my best friend used to be.

\---

I can't stand the fact that you're fake

戻れないね 苦い蜜が癖になる

_We can’t return right? This bitter nectar is becoming a bad habit_

\---

I knew what Kento was doing, of course. Since the two of us were rocky, he was trying to cling himself to others, and while there was nothing strictly wrong about this (I found myself spending more time with Juri and a couple of Juniors my age lately, too), he had searched himself the wrong guy for this, in my opinion. 

Because while I knew how to joke about Kento without hurting him, Shigeoka didn’t. I saw something flash up in Kento’s eyes whenever Shigeoka announced he was too flashy, that he was gaining weight, that he was just plainly weird sometimes, and it kind of broke my heart to watch it. 

This was another thing I wasn’t used to, this protectiveness of Kento. It had been growing steadily in the past few months, and I began to understand that all of these frustrations I had at the moment were connected to this intense need to protect him, from others, from himself, from everyone.

Only that Kento didn’t let me. He decidedly avoided every conversation I tried to start, every eye contact I searched, just avoided any contact with me that wasn’t for work. And I knew that I had hurt him with what I had said to him, but it hurt me just as much for him to keep this distance from me. 

\---

絡みつくあなたの 心はほどけず

_Your entangled heart doesn’t loosen up_

It's no give and take for me

It's no fake

\---

Still I kept quiet, silently watching as he pushed me away all the further. I desperately wanted to speak up, but I was afraid of what I would say if I did, afraid of making it any worse than it already was.

But I had never been good at keeping my feelings inside. The longer I gulped them down, the more likely they were to just splurt out of me at some point, and this was no exception.

\---

甘いtone すでに

_cannot bear the sweet tone anymore_

君はlet me in ならばmake you feel insane

_If you let me in, I make you feel insane_

\---

I was not sure what had triggered it this time - we had been the only ones left in the dressing room and there had been this almost deefening silence, and the next thing I knew we were shouting at each other. 

And it was almost a relief because at least like this, Kento seemed a little more like himself. 

“Why are we still fighting about this?!” Kento demanded, and his voice sounded slightly choked. “You made me understand very clearly that you despise who I am. So why do you care?!”

“I don’t despise _you_!” I called, feeling my eyes burning but I tried desperately to blink it away, to take a deep breath before continuing. “I just hate that you think you need to be someone else in public, or even among your friends! If they were really friends they would accept you the way you are!”

“ _You_ are the one not accepting me who I am!” Kento yelled, and his words hit me like a slap in the face.

“This is not true” I almost whispered, all strength gone from my voice. “You know better than that.”

“I thought so, too” Kento murmured, gulping down what were obviously tears as well. “I am not so sure anymore, though.”

And somehow, the distance between us seemed too huge to overcome suddenly, and when he left, I sat in the dressing room for another hour, staring into space, not being able to shake off the desperation in Kento’s eyes. The silent request for my acceptance, and I felt worse than ever for making him think that I did not accept him the way he was. 

I did not know what to do anymore, I thought fuzzily as my tears slipped over. I just didn’t know, all I knew was that it hurt. 

\---

you getting carried away

求め a second time

_Beg me a second time_

響く your heavy breathing

_Your heavy breathing is echoing_

\---

When I heard Shigeoka talk about Kento behind his back, I was so close to just going over and punching the fuck out of him. 

His tone was light and joking, but it were words that I knew would hurt Kento if he ever got to hear them. Also, they showed that really, Shigeoka did not know Kento at all, that he accepted this mask Kento had created as the only truth, and it made me more angry than ever. 

It was no wonder that Kento felt the need to put on an act if he had people like this around. For a while, I began to blame Shigeoka for everything that was going on between me and Kento, all the misunderstandings, and all the words that did not reach Kento.

I knew that this was making it too easy, though, and that I would never cross this distance between us just by blaming others. 

\---

Is it all fake?

指輪はいらない 赤い糸が導く

_No need for a ring, the red thread of fate is guiding us_

\---

No matter what had happened, meeting Kento had always felt a little like fate. And it didn’t matter that we were not talking, that he was not even looking at me, that feeling had never changed.

And maybe it was also fate that I ran into Kento right after I had listened in on Shigeoka. Maybe it was supposed to happen like this, the way I bumped into him just as he wanted to leave the empty dressing room. No matter what it was, coincidence or predetermined, but the moment I looked at him, my brain stopped working.

Kento yelped as I pushed him back into the room, was about to protest as I let the door close behind me, but my lips on his stopped him from getting the words out.

Maybe I was really out of my mind. But the way Kento’s lips felt against mine, the way a fire seemed to ignite between us by the mere touch, it seemed like finally, I had found a way to him again, burned down some of the obstacles in the way, and I pulled him further against me as I kept kissing him desperately. 

\---

Is it all fake?

君の目も唇も…

_Even your eyes and your lips_

\---

I did not expect it when Kento pushed me away, so abruptly and violently that I bumped against the cupboard next to the door. 

When I opened my eyes again, all I could catch was Kento’s back as he fled through the door, and everything was spinning, so much that I could not think.

\---

I can't stand the fact that you're fake

戻りはしない 欲しがるだけ欲しがって

_I won’t return, doing nothing but desiring_

\---

I was still unable to think when I stood on his door step that night, hesitating to ring the bell, just staring at the name on the panel for an eternity until the door opened by itself, and I was face to face with Kento. 

His eyes were guarded as he looked at me, murmuring: “My Mum told me you have been standing here for 10 minutes.”

I shrugged awkwardly, and Kento sighed as he stepped aside to let me in. 

I kicked off my shoes and followed him up to the stairs of his room, all in silence, just looking at him, desperately trying to find _my_ Kento in the tensed person in front of me. Some familiarity that would help me find the courage I needed to do this. 

Because I needed to. Whatever was happening here, I needed it to end, or I felt like I would go insane.

\---

君の嘘、偽りも 飲み干すからね?

_Because I drink up your lies and deceits, right?_

It's no give and take for me

It's no fake

\---

When Kento had finally closed the door behind us, he turned to look at me, _really_ look for the first time in a while, and it made me almost feel dizzy. I wondered if I should sit down for a moment, but I felt too restless to sit. 

“What was that this afternoon?” Kento demanded, frowning. 

“I… am not sure” I said quietly, and my voice sounded rough. I cleared my throat before continuing. “I don’t know what happened. It just did.”

“I don’t understand you” Kento sighed, shaking his head. “I don’t know what’s going on inside of you anymore.”

“I don’t understand it either” I murmurred, balling my hands into fists. “I just know… that I miss you.”

Kento’s eyes bore into me, and I needed to force myself really hard to not pull away, to let him see me openly, with all my messed up emotions and wounds. 

“I miss the real you” I added finally, when Kento still didn’t speak. “I miss the way you are when it’s just the two of us. When nobody is watching, and you don’t put up an act for anyone. I miss that.”

\---

If you are truely fake...

I can't take another step

\---

Kento only continued staring at me, and my voice sounded almost faint as I asked: “Isn’t it tiring? Never showing people who you really are?”

“It didn’t use to be” Kento whispered, gulping. “I thought everything was fine, until you began to pull away from me.”

I made a face, looking away to where I knew Kento had fixed a couple of pictures of friends and family to his wall. It made me feel warm to see that those of me were still there, that he had never really given up on me, not completely, at least.

The smiles on our faces on the photos were bright, almost blinding, and those times seemed so far away now, even though the latest one had barely been taken months ago. 

\---

笑って泣いて重ね everyday

_Keep laughing and crying everyday_

Maybe...日々はすべてlie? yia

_Maybe… all those days are a lie?_

\---

“Maybe it’s me” I admitted before looking back at him. “Maybe I am also seeing things… Maybe I am the weird one in this… It’s just… You look so _tired_ these days. I miss to see you smiling with all your heart, and not the smile you think everyone expects of you, but a real one!”

“I’m trying” Kento whispered, but I shook my hand vehemently. 

“You shouldn’t _need_ to try!” I pointed out. “If it doesn’t come naturally to you, it doesn’t mean a thing to me!”

\---

Baby...this way I'll be crazy?

ここでstop!stop!

_Stop! Stop here!_

これはtrick?trap?

_Is this a trick? Trap?_

\---

There was a long silence between us again, and I was so close to approaching him and shaking him, but I was afraid of what I would do once I touched him, so I stayed frozen in place. 

When Kento finally spoke, he was not looking at me, and I could tell from the shaky tone of his voice that he was speaking his mind, at last. 

“It’s not been easy… to be myself, recently” Kento admitted, gulping. “I have been feeling a lot of things I don’t understand, and… It was easier, to be the idol than being _me_. I am good at that, and no one even noticed.”

“ _I_ noticed” I reminded him, and Kento sighed. “Why did you not talk to me about what was bothering you?”

“I did not understand it myself” he shrugged. “Also, you were kind of the problem, to be honest.”

That made me blink and search his gaze, my stomach falling as I tried to understand what he was saying. 

“What did I do?” I whispered. “Did I say something? Or-”

“You did not do anything” Kento shook his head. “I just… I was getting too close, I think…” His eyes flickering to mine for a moment. “Or so I thought, until this afternoon.”

I stared, trying to breathe, trying to let the words sink in and make sense out of them, but it still took an eternity until I finally understood what he was saying. 

I threw all care to hell then, and Kento’s arms were around me before I had even pressed my lips against his, obviously waiting for my approach, welcoming it. 

The kiss that followed felt almost healing, like Kento surrounded me as salve for all my wounds, and it was all I could do to cling to him just a little tighter, thinking that I never, ever wanted to let go of him again. 

\---

迷い歪み すでにyou got me

_I lost myself, you already got me_

いっそ君がfake なら刻むよname

_If you prefer to be fake, then I’ll etch your name into my mind_

Cause you are amazing 

\---

When we finally broke apart, eternities later, I almost had to chuckle at the way tears were running down both of our cheeks. 

“I missed you so much” I breathed finally, leaning my forehead against his. “Never pull away from me again. I was so lonely and lost without you.”

Kento’s only response was to pull me into another kiss, and I melted into it, letting him chase my pain away with his tongue. 

\---

一人じゃ怖くて 寂しくて

_Being alone is scary and sad,_

誰かを求めていた 時には壊れてしまいそうだった

_I asked for someone, sometimes I was close to breaking into pieces_

\---

I kind of regretted not having touched Kento like this before, because everything seemed to be so easy and simple now that his fingers were on my skin and my lips against his. There was nothing between us anymore, no masks or even clothes, and it was just us, no audience and no expectations. 

Kento held back nothing, no shivers, no moans, not a thing, and I drank all of it up, though it was by far not enough to still my thirst for him. Not after such a long abstinence.

And maybe Kento was like a drug to me, maybe the way I was almost dependent of his presence was unhealthy, after all, but I did not care with the way Kento was trembling in my arms, slowly opening up to my touch, and I knew that, if I could, I would melt myself into one being with him. 

“I love you” I whispered into his ear, and it was the truest thing I had said today, the one thing I was sure of right now, and Kento arched his back into my touch as if my words were the biggest caress he had received from me today. 

\---

この言葉さえも…

_even these words..._

\---

When I thrust into him, Kento’s nails dug into my shoulderblades and he bit my lower lip, but I welcomed it, the sharpness of Kento’s body. It kept me grounded, reminded me that none of this was a dream, even if the tightness around me was so dizzying that it was hard to even stay conscious. 

I murmured his name over and over again as we moved together, and I realized halfway in between that we had found our rhythm again. It was that thought that brought me over the edge, together with Kento, and as I collapsed into his arms, hearing the way his heart beat out of control against his chest, I wondered if I really cared which face he showed the public.

Because as long as he was himself with me, sweaty and messy and shivery but _himself_ , maybe, everything was just fine. 

\---

Never say never

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics: FaKe - Kikuchi Fuma  
> Translation: vflmaeuschen & rokakun


End file.
